Let’s Make A Deal

As a pregnant woman you know the day is coming when a stranger will think it is ok to touch your stomach.  It is incredibly uncomfortable.  There is really no good way to tell someone to stop touching you, because it seems like such common sense that it feels weird to need to say something.  You know that this is part of the mommy to be territory, so you figure it out.

What I was in no way prepared for was that these same people, actually in my experience a significantly higher number of people, find it acceptable touch Emma Grace.  EVERY TIME I am in a check out line someone squeezes her cheeks, holds her hand, brushes her bangs back, or grabs her feet.  Look, I know she is cute.  I know that your kids are all grown up and you miss being able to snuggle them.  I know that you (maybe) have hand sanitizer in your purse, and you (probably) aren’t carrying some horrific, life threatening disease.  I know you are (possibly) a very nice person.  But this is my baby, she isn’t my…WAIT I can’t think of any acceptable example because in Kindergarten I was taught me to keep my hands to myself.  Seriously let’s imagine this scene for a moment….

I am standing in line behind you at Trader Joe’s when I notice that you have the Marc Jacobs purse I’ve been hinting about to Shane.  As you start to walk forward, I grab your purse which stops you and turns you around.   At this point I am pretty sure your only thought would be to yell ‘HELP’ because there is a crazy girl stealing your purse, but let’s just say you give me the benefit of the doubt and let me speak. While continuing to stroke your purse, I tell you that I just had to touch your purse because it’s gorgeous…

I have no idea how to end this story because there is no ending.  Would you like to know why there is no ending?  It’s because that would never happen.  The only reason someone would grab your purse is because they were about to rob you.  How is it that it is unacceptable to touch someone’s purse, a completely meaningless possession, but it is completely normal to touch their precious baby?

Now I am not a huge fan of confrontation.  If you know me you may disagree with that statement, but it is true.  At least in a public place, with a complete stranger, it is true.  So much like when I was pregnant and someone touched my belly, I am at a loss of how to handle these situations.  I don’t want to make anyone feel bad.  I don’t want to embarrass anyone.  It’s just when you touch my daughter, the absolute light of my life, I kind of want to grab your face and tell you how cute your wrinkles are just to see how you like it.

For those of you who have children, please let me know if you have a good way of handling these situations.  For those of you who have not yet had children, remember that I warned you when it comes time to take your future children out in public.  For those of you who feel the need to touch my baby, well how about we make a deal?  I will allow you to touch my sweet girl’s adorable little feet if, and only if, you give me your Marc Jacobs bag. Deal?

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