When it comes to trying to comfort moms with newborns, one of the few things I can say is “this too shall pass.” I can’t tell you how many times I repeated that to myself during those difficult first months. However, today I found myself thinking about that phrase in a completely new way.
This past week Emma Grace developed a new favorite activity that I did not see coming…snuggling. Once the newborn phase was over, Emma Grace lost all interest in snuggling. She was always moving and playing while she was awake, and when it was time to nap she whined and cried unless she was in her crib. Most of the time this was an awesome habit, but I always wished that once in a while she would be happy to just snuggle with mommy.
All of the sudden on Thursday my wish came true. We were going through her nap time routine as usual, but when I held her and sang ‘Amazing Grace’ she didn’t wiggle like crazy. I started singing and Emma Grace just lay her precious little (but actually pretty large) head right down on my shoulder. I finished the song and she didn’t move, so I sat in her rocker and kept singing. We sat there snuggling while I sang to her and prayed with her for 20 minutes. She did it again the next day. For four straight days I have gotten at least one snuggle session with my Emma Grace!
Today during our snuggle time the thought hit me…”This too shall pass.” I was immediately struck by both joy and sadness. Joy because I am loving motherhood so much right now. Joy because I can’t wait to see the amazing things God has in store for my beautiful girl. Joy because I was holding a quiet, still, peaceful 8 month old in my arms. Sadness because it will not last. She will not always be so small that she fits snuggled in my arms the way she was today. She will not always want me to snuggle her. She will, Lord willing, grow up. She will make choices that cause her pain. I will make choices that cause her pain. She will hate me at least for a moment. She will have her heart broken. She will feel sadness, loss, disappointment, failure, betrayal, guilt and fear. She will know the brokenness of this big bad world, that currently is just one big, exciting place to explore.
In that moment God reminded me of His goodness. He reminded me that he knew Emma Grace before she was conceived and He will be there every minute of those times I grew sad thinking about. Not one of those painful things will happen outside of His good and perfect plan. Plus, sitting and dwelling on those things is not going to keep them from happening, it will just keep me from enjoying the time He is giving us now. So I am going to savor every single second we have right now. I am going to sing His praises in the ear of my daughter and remember that when these snuggles pass God is still good. When she does lay her sweet head on my chest, I will hold her tight with joy in my heart because though it will pass, it is here now and it is beautiful.