Dear every passenger I am sharing a plane with this weekend,
I am sorry that I am here. Really I am. I would not be the person you just prayed wouldn’t be on this plane if it weren’t for this broken world where death touches us all. I know the second you saw me you thought, “why me?”. I thought that too when I got this ticket. Well maybe not right when I got it because then I was thinking about the loss of my Nana, but don’t worry my selfishness crawled back and I thought, “why me?”.
I know you don’t want me here. You and me both. You think it is hard to have a baby on your plane? Trust me when I say that I really don’t want to be the reason you have a terrible flight. I currently feel the weight of your day starting out well on my shoulders.
Are you worried about being on this plane during cold and flu season? Me too. My 5 month old has a terrible immune system. She has already had 4 colds and 1 ear infection in her short life. I am terrified of what this weekend of winter travel will bring her.
Are you uncomfortable because I am nursing my baby? Well it is a picnic trying to fit feeding my baby into this ever so small plane seat while you give me dirty looks. Trust me if it didn’t require being in physical pain and possibly losing some milk supply I would have brought bottles.
Are you terrified to the core of your very being that this plane will crash and you will have to face death? No? Well there you go, at least you have one up on me. I am terrified of planes. TERRIFIED. I have yet to sleep more than an hour the night before I fly. I have subconsciously tried to get out of flights by leaving my passport in a different state, losing my wallet, leaving my purse in a locked church and getting physically ill. These stunts were BEFORE I became ‘the lady with the baby’. I am currently praying that the part of my heart that knows the peace of Christ would punch the part still battling my anxiety disorder in the face.
I promise that I will do everything I can to keep my baby quiet and happy, show as little breast as possible while nursing and keep only to my fair share of space. I am sorry if it doesn’t all work out, babies are a little unpredictable. I sincerely hope I am not on your next plane, but I hope if that plane does have another ‘lady with the baby’ you will give her some grace. Trust me, between the two of you, she will be much more worried about that flight than you.
That mom with perfect hair, designer clothes and a baby who sleeps peacefully the whole flight…Oh wait that is the mom in my Parenting magazine. I mean that mom in yoga pants who smelled like spit up, didn’t brush her hair, has never heard of make-up and looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown.